Tapping on Anger
In working with a wide array of clients from varied backgrounds using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques); I have found that it’s highly effective when people allow themselves to feel feelings they’ve been taught to stuff down over the years.
So often, we are programmed not to allow ourselves our feelings. We’re taught it’s bad to feel angry, or we shouldn’t feel sorry for ourselves because there are so many people who have it far worse than us. My question about being told we shouldn’t feel what we’re feeling is – “Does any of it make you feel better?”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think most of us would find we just end up feeling bad and worse yet, guilty because now we’re feeling something and told it’s not okay. When did it start that we’re only allowed certain feelings? Why were we given all of the emotions we have, if we weren’t intended to feel them at some point in time? Our guilt just compounds the challenge we’re already facing. No wonder we learn to “buck-up” and “keep a stiff upper lip.” Who wants to feel guilt on top of other emotions we’re apparently not supposed to be privy to. Feelings are meant to move through us and I believe when we deny them, or try to shush them away, they become more embedded in our energy system and create stronger internal conflicts for us that can show up in a mirade of ways. Disease, depression, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness and on and on ad nauseum… sometimes literally.
One of the many beauties of practicing EFT, is that it can be a highly effective way to allow ourselves to feel our previously forbidden feelings. Think about what we’re told about hatred or jealousy and other similar emotions. I doubt anyone reading this was told, “Oh yeah, feel that hatred towards your mom, dad, sibling, co-worker, doctor. It will pass if you just let it be. In fact, you’re more likely to release it that way.”
I’m not suggesting that we should harbor ill-will towards anyone, but I do believe, if we allow ourselves our feelings, whatever they are, with the assistance of a skilled EFT Practitioner, or if you’re well acquainted with tapping on yourself, I believe you can productively allow our feelings to move through us and save both ourselves and others any unnecessary conflict. We can be the person who steps up and stops the cycle of hurt feelings and bitterness. I’m not suggesting this is easy, but with persistence and patience, I know it’s possible.
Here’s an example with an overused statement. “My parents did the best they could.” Given who they are or were and given the baggage they’ve dealt with, this is likely true, but if we reach for this too quickly, it tends to feel anything but true. As my mentor once said to me, “My parents did the best they could, but it sucked for me.” How refreshing.
I spent years trying to feel congruent with the belief that they did the best they could, when deep down what I really felt was anger, resentment and bitterness. Yep….I said it out loud. For a long time, I felt hatred about how my parents behaved around my sisters and I. I hated the fact that I felt we weren’t important enough to stop the chronic arguing.
Once I allowed myself to really go there….to really allow the feelings of resentment and bitterness and even hatred to rear their heads and I tapped while speaking my truest feelings, it began to set me free. Now, I can truly say that my parents did the best they could and I’m congruent with it. Before I allowed this, I was just giving lip service to a statement that really made me feel angrier when I was honest with myself.
I admit, I found it uncomfortable at first, but refreshing as a whole to acknowledge and productively deal with my anger and even rage. I had found a tool with EFT that would allow me the space to release my true feelings and reach a place of peace. It’s been liberating and continues to be. Now when I’m upset with someone or something, I have a tool that can help me over the hump and when I get too overwhelmed I get with another EFT Practitioner and work with them to collapse my charged emotions, so that I can make better decisions from a more mature place. When I work with clients, it’s amazing how liberated they feel after being able to work through very charged emotions and come out the other side feeling refreshed and renewed.
If you ever find yourself telling yourself you shouldn’t feel whatever it is your feeling, it’s a great indicator that you have a tappable issue coming to the surface. Freedom is on the other side of our darker emotions. Allowing for our feelings is in a safe and productive environment is a doorway to freedom.
Below is a tapping script to work with for just this.
Karate Chop: Even though, I have these feelings like anger and resentment and they feel forbidden. I deeply and completely love and accept myself to the best of my ability, right now.
Karate Chop: Even though, I have so many feelings that I’ve been told, I shouldn’t feel, but here I am feeling them anyway. I chose to love and accept myself and the fact that I feel this way.
Karate Chop: Even though, I have feelings that I feel guilty about feeling, and I’ve been told I shouldn’t feel them, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, as I am, right now.
Eyebrow: All of these feelings.
Side of the Eye: I’ve been told I shouldn’t feel them.
Under the Eye: I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself.
Under the Nose: I shouldn’t feel angry.
Chin Point: I should look on the bright side.
Collarbone: But the truth is, I can’t see the bright side right now.
Under the Arm: And I just feel worse, thinking I shouldn’t feel what I’m feeling.
Top of the Head: It doesn’t help me to feel guilty about what I’m feeling.
Eyebrow: I feel worse when I hear that voice tell me to “Buck up.”
Side of the Eye: Because I just don’t feel that right now.
Under the Eye: I want to release these feelings.
Under the Nose: But telling myself I shouldn’t feel them, doesn’t help me.
Chin Point: I think the feelings get stronger when I deny them.
Collarbone: I feel what I feel.
Under the Arm: Maybe by acknowledging my feelings, I can move through them faster.
Top of the Head: I know I’m open to that.
Eyebrow: I do want to feel better.
Side of the Eye: What if, being told I shouldn’t feel what I feel was wrong.
Under the Eye: What if, acknowledging my feelings actually helps me to release them.
Under the Nose: What if this is possible?
Chin Point: What if this is true?
Collarbone: This idea feels better to me.
Under the Arm: They’re just feelings after all.
Top of the Head: Isn’t it what I do with them that can be the problem, not the feeling itself?
Eyebrow: What if I can just feel them and tap as I do and then release them?
Side of the Eye: I know these feelings are in me anyway and denying them doesn’t help.
Under the Eye: I feel better already, just thinking it might be okay to acknowledge them
Chin Point: They’re just feelings and they’re better out than in.
Collarbone: And I can feel them in a constructive way.
Under the Arm: I like this idea.
Top of the Head: They’re just feelings and I can manage them well.
Repeat this tapping sequence as often as you need to until you feel a sense of relief. Sometimes feelings can spike and if they do, just keep tapping until you feel the emotional charge come down.