Do You Ever Miss Yourself?
Do you try really hard to change your life and yet you feel you’re still stuck?
Do you miss the part of you that’s wise, that has answers for you?
Could the longing inside of you be an invitation to come back home to yourself?
Do you ever miss yourself?
WHAT?!! You may be asking. What does that even mean?
I’ll explain. (Hang on, this might take a few paragraphs.)
What if, your stuckness is an indicator that’s it’s time to surrender, to turn it over to a power greater than yourself….What ever this means to you?
Stay with me.
Back when I found tapping….
Here’s one of my pit moments….(I’ve had a few.)
My husband and I had regrouped and we we’re pulling out of a financial debacle that was big. Maybe not by some people’s standards, but by mine, it was epic.
We were staring down the barrel of $200,000 just in credit card debt.
That’s as far as I’ll bring you down the rabbit hole with me on this journey. Some of you know the whole enchilada.
I can sum it up in one word…..YIKES!!!
Suffice it to say, today, we are staring down the barrel of a very different reality….in a really good way.
One upside is that my business was born out of this debacle. I found tapping about a year after I hit this pit moment.
My journey in my business is ongoing. I’m constantly evolving and so is my business along side of me.
I’ve tried on varies different titles on in my business.
Certified EFT Practitioner, Career Coach, Life/Business Coach, Emotional Fitness Coach (which I still really like) and my most recent realization is Spiritual Mentor. So now I call myself, (besides Marti), an Emotional Fitness Coach and Spiritual Mentor. I should say that I’m stepping into Spiritual Mentoring more and more. I want to help people find their own teacher within.
I recently read this question someone asked in Tosha Silver’s amazing book, Change Me Prayers. (I highly recommend this book.)
Here’s the question:
“Are these (Change Me Prayers) substitutes for therapy or other healing methods?”
I love her response. Here’s part of it:
“Well, these don’t replace such things. However, they often work mysteriously when other forms do not. I think it’s because some forms of therapy, coaching, and counseling only work on ‘improving the small self.’ They help people feel better in the moment without actually inviting a larger Wisdom to take over.”
I totally agree with this. I found this when I put an intention out there, because I was “trying” to manifest things that weren’t coming. I ended up using these lack of manifestations to beat myself up and I was exhausted from my self-judgement. I thought, “What am I missing here? There’s got to be something I need to see here….so….show me…..Oooo-Kaka-ka-K?” Meh!!!
(My company name is Wisdom International Institute, Inc.) I think back to when I started my business. The title just came to me. I think it was actually a promise of what I have been evolving into.
At an early age, I had really immersed myself in spiritual teachings. I was 16 when I bought The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale. Shakti Gawain’s Living in the Light became my bible for years in my 20’s. I did Holotropic Breathwork with Jacquelyn Small, just to name a few. I did past life regressions with The School of Metaphysics. I gobbled up anything and everything I could find, all on a mad search to find something I believed was missing in me.
I listened to Life and Teachings of the Masters of the Far East and I had a profound spiritual experience while driving around Chicago doing my sales job. (Who woulda thunk it?) Of all the impractical places to have a spiritual experience!!!!
I told my husband, at the time, that I need to go to India. To his awesome credit, he said to me, “Look this has just happened to you. Why don’t you give it a little time to settle in and then if you still want to go in a few weeks, we’ll make it happen.”
That was really insightful of him. Looking back, I think he may have thought he was dealing with someone who might need to be admitted.
I walked around for three weeks going to corporate meetings, sitting there feeling like none of this mattered. There’s so much more to life than this. I won’t go on with all the thoughts the flooded me, but I was forever changed after that experience, ultimately for the better, it just took me time to see how….because I did come crashing down.
Interestingly enough, my cousin, who I knew wouldn’t think I was crazy, really helped me through this time. On the day I came crashing down off the high I’d been on about all that’s possible for humanity, I received a letter from her, (yes, an actual letter), and in it she said,
“You’re probably going to have a bit of a crash. You’ve gotten this new amazing clarity and insight and yet you’re still in a body. Now you’re going to have to figure out how to integrate this into every day life on earth.”
I burst into tears when I read this. By this time, I was actually kinda pissed. Why was I given this vision and then no clue how to integrate it? It didn’t make sense to me.
I hit the skids. I don’t honestly remember what happened to me, but I just dropped it all. I was done. I packed up my spiritual suitcases and chucked them all. I turned my back on my spiritual life. In some ways, I think I felt more lost.
So, I swan dived back into corporate life. It was familiar. It’s what I knew. I knew how to navigate through it. Years went by.
A move across country, the birth of my daughter, a divorce and then remarrying, moving again and more, were all part of the plan to start the process of coming back home to myself.
I missed the wiser part of me. I missed surrendering, letting go. Allow something greater than myself to take over. I was exhausted.
It took tapping….to start clear out all of my human muck, to help me realize, much like the Prodigal Son, that it was time to come back home to myself. It’s a cliche, but it’s soooo freaking true.
I truly believe that being in a body, being in the human condition needs to be addressed along with the spiritual. What can happen for many of us, is that we either try to go to the spiritual full-throttle at the neglect of the human part of us…..(This was what I did.)
The way I say this is, “We’re happy thoughts through gritted teeth.” In other words, we’re “trying” to be enlighten, we’re “trying” to be spiritual and we deny or reject our humanity.
Or….in the reverse….
We deal strictly with the human conditions we’re engrossed in. We go to therapy, we get help tapping for all the mishegas we’ve gone through and we turn our backs on the wiser part of us. (I did this too.)
What I see now, is that it’s really important to attend to both.
To deal with all the muck we need to and to add in connecting with our Inner Wise One, God, The Divine, The Universe, Source, Your Higher Self, The Dinosaurs, Fred Flintstone….whatever you believe in. I find this to be a powerful combination.
If you’re grasping, efforting, trying really hard to change your life and despite all your “work” things still appear the same, it’s one of two things:
1) You may need to tap on a different aspect of something.
2) You might consider surrendering, turning it over to make space for “a greater Wisdom to take over.” (Again, whatever this means to you.) Acknowledging that you’ve done your best. This is where you’ve gotten to with your human “efforts.”
Here’s an example:
Recently, I asked for a sign about something I’m really considering. I’ve tapping to release resistance and even though it, mostly, feels like a “yes” for me, the thought came to me….
“Ask for confirmation, Marti. Ask for a sign.”
So I did. I put it out there with the idea that I might need some help recognizing the sign, and I’d get it at some point. In other words, I might need a nudge or two or three or four for confirmation. (I’m learning to trust.)
Shortly after this request, I was sitting on our patio and Mama Hummingbird, who is back for the 4th year in a row birthing and caring for her two newest babies, came right up to me, just overhead and flew there, looking at me for a couple of seconds. I thought, “How freaking cool.”
But…..
Not until I got onto a group call I’m involved in, where I heard a story about a man who asked for sign, did I really start to get it.
The story is, the man asked for a sign and a bird flew through his office window and flew around him. The man shushed it out and yet the bird came back. It looked at him directly and then left on it’s own. It was as if the bird was saying, “Nope, I’m back. I’ve got a message to deliver.” The man called a mentor and asked her if she thought this was a sign. And her question back to him, “Do you?”
Ok it’s a sign. I get it now. Kinda!!! I still need a lot of help here. LOL!!!
Then the very next day, I’m sitting in the same place and Mama Hummingbird comes back and, this time, she flew within 6 inches of my face. Then she preceded to fly around my head.
Apparently, I still needed additional confirmation.
I know I’m learning to trust more and more everyday as I practice the spiritual principles that resonate with me.
So….after all of this….I’ll put this out there for you again.
What if it’s the same for you?
What if you can start to release the judgement around “learning” to trust? Learning to come back home to yourself?
Do you ever miss yourself?
Could the longing inside of you be an invitation to come back home to yourself?
Do you miss the part of you that’s wise, that has answers for you?
Have you ever really been aware of this part of you?
Do you try really hard to change your life and yet you feel you’re still stuck?
Is it possible you’re not yet receiving what you want, because you’re being directed to relax and surrender so that you can come back home to yourself?
What if you can reestablish this long lost connection and then the answers you need come through you?
Does it feel better to see it this way?
It might be worth trying. It’s something to consider.
For now, try this Soul Evolving Meditation – Come Back Home to Yourself
Here’s To Your Soul Evolving!
Marti