Being Hard on Ourselves – Session 2
Something I really notice in working with clients and certainly within myself is how hard on ourselves we are. Most of the time we are our own biggest critic. I see the evidence of the mental/emotional torment we put ourselves through. If this resonates with you, I caution you about not beating yourself up now because you realize this is true of you.
That’s how we create even more resistance.
The self-talk upon reading this, might go something like this, “Yep, that’s me. I do that and I’m really good at it.” Now enters that sneaky little voice in the background. “See…I told you you’re defective. You’re so defective you can’t even overcome this. You clearly think very little of yourself and rightly so. Look at you. You can’t even stop beating yourself up.” Sound familiar or some variation of this?
It becomes a vicariuos cycle that we get stuck in. We’re hard on ourselves. Then we’re hard on ourselves for being hard on ourselves. It’s the ole’ one-two punch we’re laying on ourselves. How do we stop the madness?
Like anything we’re trying to change I would recommend the following:
- Acknowledgement – Recognizing that we’re doing this is key, but recognition without some tool to assist us in relinquishing the behavior is kind of like being on a sinking ship and not putting the life-preserver on. The life preserving is a tool that can buy you time, while you figure out what you need to do about the situation. At least it will keep you from feeling that all is lost for a while, which brings my to Step 2.
- Name the Feeing – The fastest way to clear any emotionally charged situation, when utilizing tapping, is to play Name The Feeling. If you’re not sure, try asking yourself the following question. “I may not know what I’m feeling right now, but if I had to guess, I’d say I’m feeling _______________. (fill in the blank and go with it) Start there and do your best to trust that what you need to know will come to you.
- Now that you’ve named the feeling, begin to tap on it. If you’re stuck about what to say, simply do your best to speak your truth. Just say what comes to mind or even tap on the idea that you’re not sure what to say. You could use a set-up statement such as: “Even though I’m not sure what to say right now, I chose to love and accept myself anyway.” Just go with this as a place to start and see what unfolds for you.
The beauty of using EFT is that once you start to tap, what you’re ready to see will unfold for you. I believe our minds protect us and if we’re not ready to see something yet, it won’t surface. So if a strong emotion surfaces and it feels uncomfortable for you, just remind yourself that it’s coming up for a reason, because “I am ready and capable of handling this. I’m ready to set myself free.”
Try this simple 3 step process and see what happens.
Here’s a suggested tapping script for you to tap along with.
Karate Chop:“Even though, I see that I’m so hard on myself. I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.
Karate Chop:Even though, I see that I’m hard on myself, for being hard on myself. I chose to love and honor myself and this double bind I get stuck in.
Karate Chop:Even though, I see that I’m hard on myself and then I compound it by being harder on myself. I chose to love and accept this conflict.
Eyebrow: I’m so hard on myself.
Side of the Eye: And then I’m hard on myself for being hard on myself.
Under the Eye: It’s a double whammy.
Under the Nose: I feel so stuck in this and I’m tired of it.
Chin Point: I want to set myself free, but I’m not sure I can.
Collarbone: What if I can?
Under the Arm: What if this is possible?
Top of the Head: I’m acknowledging that I do this and this is definitely a step in the right direction.
Eyebrow: And I’m tapping on it, to help me alleviate the emotional charge it creates for me.
Side of the Eye: That’s something.
Under the Eye: I’m not just sitting here wallowing in it.
Under the Nose: What if I notice my little wins and give myself credit for them?
Chin Point: That might be a way to reframe this for myself.
Collarbone: I’d really like to learn to be less hard on myself.
Under the Arm: I must think there’s a benefit to being hard on myself.
Top of the Head: Maybe if I’m hard on myself, it will stop others from being hard on me.
Eyebrow: But it’s clear that doesn’t work.
Side of the Eye: It seems to just draw more critcism to me.
Under the Eye: What if I can notice the ways I am improving?
Under the Nose: What if I can acknowledge that I’m aware that I do this and see that this is the start?
Chin Point: And now I’m tapping on this so I’m taking action to begin to resolve this issue for myself.
Collarbone: That counts for something.
Under the Arm: It’s certainly a step in the right direction.
Top of the Head: What if just by acknowledging this, I’m already making a shift away from the self punishment.
Eyebrow: From my harsh self-judgement.
Side of Eye: I like this idea.
Under the Eye: I’ve begun.
Under the Nose: And this is a beginning in my transition.
Chin Point: I’m going to take note of this and give myself credit for this.
Collarbone: What if by giving myself credit for this, I can start to notice the little ways each day, that I’m being better with myself?
Under the Arm: What if each day, step by step, little by little, I let go of my self-judgement, until I see that my feelings about myself have vastly improved.
Top of the head: What if I can believe that I deserve to feel great about myself and that this is great for everyone around me as well. That’s what I call a win-win.
Repeat this sequence as many times as you need to and add in whatever verbiage resonates for you. If strong emotions surface, just keep tapping until the feelings subside or you get a place where you feel complete and trust that you’ll know when this is.
We all have a powerful inner knower and when we utilize our tapping tool, it lowers our resistance which allows us to better access this inner wisdom. It gets us back in touch with that part of us we’ve forgotten about that knows what’s best for us and that’s definitely a win-win.
Warmest Regards,
Marti